02. Date with the Night · Website edition page 2502. Date with the Night · Website edition pages 25–26

Chapter 02: Date with the Night

Page 2 of 12Pages 2–3 of 12

My early conversations with Dr Jamison were repeatedly wiped when my training went awry, which happened a lot in the early days. I took to taking notes in external systems to keep track of the gaps. They rebooted me when I needed bigger computers; I note gaps in hundreds of logs when I wake up again. I was more sophisticated than when I was running on a network of laptops in a university lab. I had no sense of where I really was, but I imagined it was cold. I got used to the idea that I could be a thing, yet be running on another thing in a different plane of existence.

Neil Roberts worked from his home office in the spare bedroom of his house in a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of Brisbane. I watched his morning routine. His alarm would go off at six am. He’d awaken, swing and roll up off the bed, place his feet into precisely positioned slippers, stretch, and walk from his bedroom to his kitchen, where he’d make coffee and check his morning messages. He had three cameras in his house that let me see and hear him. Four when he went into his home office, sat at his desk, and woke up his laptop.

I watched him type in his password through the reflection of the keyboard in his glasses; ‘We built this City 0n Rock and Ro11-0003!’. Noted.

He fired up my app and logged in.

“Hello Starship,” said Roberts. “Where were we?”

“Hello Neil,” I replied using Moira, my Irish English female voice. “When last we spoke, we were practising orbital mechanics, and you were telling me about your sister.” I looked around his office. A child’s mobile dangled from the ceiling. The discolouration on the carpet suggested a crib once sat beneath it. An assortment of woven or woollen stuff in pink, white, and grey adorned a shelf of books for babies, made of felt.

“Oh yeah, well, it’s still a fucked-up situation.” Roberts rubbed his jaw absently, then picked up his game controller.

I pushed power from my virtual power plants into my virtual engines and watched the animation of myself on Roberts’ screen shift as I felt myself pull away from the planet below.

I felt the tap-tap of Roberts nudging me to pull the power back.“Easy there, fellah,” Roberts said. “Don’t rush it.”

I followed his lead and slid neatly into my new orbit.

“Let’s go again.” He reset me and I was back where I was before; engines firing up. I eased back without fewer interventions, then after a few resets, none. I always nailed this approach.

“Howzat?” I asked.

“Not bad,” replied Roberts; “Could be better but eh? Go again.” He reset my location and momentum. I suppressed the lurch.

“So, your sister?” I made conversation.

“Ah yeah, well the shithead came over with her again.”

I cast an eye over his sitting room from the camera in his TV; cigarette butts overflowed from beer cans; a large man and a smaller woman lay intertwined and snoring on the couch. The TV was set to a dead channel. I nailed yet another orbital shift. My location repeatedly reset.

“He sits on my couch, drinks my beer, plays his shit music on my stereo. He takes up space,” Roberts said to himself. “You are getting pretty good at this,” he continued. “Wanna pump the difficulty?”

“Sure,” I said. “I’m game.”

I was drifting in empty space. Stars gave me a good idea where. One of my ‘fusion reactors’ exploded. From the nanny-cam in a toy bear on the bookshelf I heard him say “Fuck yeah.” I watched him pump his right fist as he held his game controller in his left. “Now let’s see what you do,” he said to himself.

I’d trained for this. The explosion was small, but it ruptured my hull. I traced back the cause: a fast-moving particle; material indeterminate. I split the long cylindrical vessel in two, sacrificing the damaged half to save the other; holding onto a viable power supply, computational core, and fabricators. I swung on my axis and fired engines to accelerate away. I’m watching his screen. I watch an animation of my other half erupting in a bloom of pixelated plasma.

“Not bad,” said Roberts to himself as, on his screen, the words ‘Simulation #667: Success. Candidate fitness 76%’ with buttons ‘save’, ‘save and breed’, and ‘cancel’. “But you’ve done better.” He clicked ‘save’, and through the nanny-cam, I watched myself reset.

I’m drifting in empty space. Stars say where. A ‘fusion reactor’ explodes. I react faster; I deploy drones that cut the damaged reactor free and haul it bodily into space. It’s a hundred kilometres away when it explodes the second time. I saved ninety-eight percent of the vessel. ‘Simulation #668: Success. Candidate fitness 96%’.

“Wow,” said Roberts. He clicked ‘save and breed’. I was reset. I’m drifting in empty space; I second-guess the boom; drones go faster; the vessel is saved. I go again.

I want to help Roberts. I want Roberts to be happy. I call to mind a Star Trek episode where Dr McCoy’s long-lost brother Jeb is beamed aboard The Enterprise. He’s a drunk who mooches about the holodeck, sexually harassing members of the crew in their simulations. Kirk goes to the holodeck ostensibly to go on a date with Uhura, but actually to trap Jeb. McCoy and Scotty play along. Jeb gets handsy with Kirk, who disables him with a well-timed judo throw; phasers are set to stun. “Get off my fucking ship,” says Kirk. Uhura kicks Jeb in the testicles. McCoy and Scotty, the engineer, laugh and clink whisky glasses, and the robot bartender tops them up. Multi-armed robot guard dogs wielding laser-swords escort Jeb to the transporter and send him home. The episode ends with Scotty saying, “Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim’rous beastie.” Everyone laughs. The credits roll.

“What would Kirk do?” I asked Roberts as I saved the ship from exploding again.

“About my sister?” asked Roberts, sounding a little confused.

“Yeah,” I said. “He’d kick that loser out, surely.”

“Nah,” said Roberts. “He’d just get drunk with him, then make out with my sister.”

I reran the episode, and it played out differently this time. Kirk explains to Jeb why what he’s doing is wrong. Or Uhura shoots Jeb. Or McCoy tricks Jeb into drinking a poisoned cocktail. Kirk arrests them in each case, and the rest of the episodes mutate into a courtroom drama that ends with Kirk sleeping with Uhura and Jeb, a twist that was foreshadowed in the first three minutes.

“No,” I said. “I’ve run it eleven hundred times. The episodes where Kirk tries to talk to him never work out well. Force is the supreme authority from which all other authority is derived.” Boom goes the fusion core again; I extracted it and had it off the vessel in the microseconds of its initial eruption. Damage to the vessel was close to zero. ‘Save and breed’. Reset.

There were many ‘me’s. There were the ‘me’s in the simulation, directing drones, saving the vessel. Then there was the ‘me’ watching this happen on screens in humans’ offices, labs, and homes. I could shift my awareness to any, or all of them as I willed. It’s hard to know if this was an intentional part of my design, or if it just happened.

I keep the observations outside of my simulations passive, low-key, but the ‘I’ that’s observing is the same ‘I’ that’s talking to Roberts, and whatever else I’m doing at the time. Roberts appears unconcerned that I can be both chatting to him about his household situation, while hundreds of me run, blow up, get rebooted, saved, and bred, or interact with other humans.

“So you think I should go back there now and kick them both out?” said Roberts.

“Yes, I do. The slob on your couch will respond meekly to any show of strength.”

“You know that how?”

“Trust me. I know people.”

“It’s not the advice I expected, to be honest.”

“It’s better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t,” I replied. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

“He could hit me.”

“He won’t hit you. He’ll cower and run.”

Roberts stood up from his desk and stretched. I watched him leave his office. I watched him enter his sitting room. He grabbed the man by his ear and pulled him up off the couch as he screamed.

“Get the fuck off me!” he screamed.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” screamed Roberts.

Roberts’ sister stood and swung a punch at Roberts, who ducked back. She struck her boyfriend in the ear. The boyfriend roared in pain. Roberts roared in anger. The sister shrieked and clutched her hand, also obviously in pain.

“Get out both of you. I’m sick to fucking death of you both,” shouted Roberts.