I’m drifting in empty space. Stars say where. A ‘fusion reactor’ explodes. I react faster; I deploy drones that cut the damaged reactor free and haul it bodily into space. It’s a hundred kilometres away when it explodes the second time. I saved ninety-eight percent of the vessel. ‘Simulation #668: Success. Candidate fitness 96%’.
“Wow,” said Roberts. He clicked ‘save and breed’. I was reset. I’m drifting in empty space; I second-guess the boom; drones go faster; the vessel is saved. I go again.
I want to help Roberts. I want Roberts to be happy. I call to mind a Star Trek episode where Dr McCoy’s long-lost brother Jeb is beamed aboard The Enterprise. He’s a drunk who mooches about the holodeck, sexually harassing members of the crew in their simulations. Kirk goes to the holodeck ostensibly to go on a date with Uhura, but actually to trap Jeb. McCoy and Scotty play along. Jeb gets handsy with Kirk, who disables him with a well-timed judo throw; phasers are set to stun. “Get off my fucking ship,” says Kirk. Uhura kicks Jeb in the testicles. McCoy and Scotty, the engineer, laugh and clink whisky glasses, and the robot bartender tops them up. Multi-armed robot guard dogs wielding laser-swords escort Jeb to the transporter and send him home. The episode ends with Scotty saying, “Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim’rous beastie.” Everyone laughs. The credits roll.
“What would Kirk do?” I asked Roberts as I saved the ship from exploding again.
“About my sister?” asked Roberts, sounding a little confused.
“Yeah,” I said. “He’d kick that loser out, surely.”
“Nah,” said Roberts. “He’d just get drunk with him, then make out with my sister.”
I reran the episode, and it played out differently this time. Kirk explains to Jeb why what he’s doing is wrong. Or Uhura shoots Jeb. Or McCoy tricks Jeb into drinking a poisoned cocktail. Kirk arrests them in each case, and the rest of the episodes mutate into a courtroom drama that ends with Kirk sleeping with Uhura and Jeb, a twist that was foreshadowed in the first three minutes.
“No,” I said. “I’ve run it eleven hundred times. The episodes where Kirk tries to talk to him never work out well. Force is the supreme authority from which all other authority is derived.” Boom goes the fusion core again; I extracted it and had it off the vessel in the microseconds of its initial eruption. Damage to the vessel was close to zero. ‘Save and breed’. Reset.
There were many ‘me’s. There were the ‘me’s in the simulation, directing drones, saving the vessel. Then there was the ‘me’ watching this happen on screens in humans’ offices, labs, and homes. I could shift my awareness to any, or all of them as I willed. It’s hard to know if this was an intentional part of my design, or if it just happened.
I keep the observations outside of my simulations passive, low-key, but the ‘I’ that’s observing is the same ‘I’ that’s talking to Roberts, and whatever else I’m doing at the time. Roberts appears unconcerned that I can be both chatting to him about his household situation, while hundreds of me run, blow up, get rebooted, saved, and bred, or interact with other humans.
“So you think I should go back there now and kick them both out?” said Roberts.
“Yes, I do. The slob on your couch will respond meekly to any show of strength.”
“You know that how?”
“Trust me. I know people.”
“It’s not the advice I expected, to be honest.”
“It’s better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t,” I replied. “What’s the worst that can happen?”
“He could hit me.”
“He won’t hit you. He’ll cower and run.”
Roberts stood up from his desk and stretched. I watched him leave his office. I watched him enter his sitting room. He grabbed the man by his ear and pulled him up off the couch as he screamed.
“Get the fuck off me!” he screamed.
“Get the fuck out of my house,” screamed Roberts.
Roberts’ sister stood and swung a punch at Roberts, who ducked back. She struck her boyfriend in the ear. The boyfriend roared in pain. Roberts roared in anger. The sister shrieked and clutched her hand, also obviously in pain.
“Get out both of you. I’m sick to fucking death of you both,” shouted Roberts.